I was somewhere in Pennsylvania, driving north on I-76, when I stopped at a safe-looking BP station for food, drink, and bathroom. This was a mistake.
We all know that gas stations are never the ideal place to go for restrooms especially, but I at least thought the food was safe. I mean, they were sporting a Subway. Subway is the same everywhere. I thought.
The women's room was down. I knocked on the door to the men's room. No answer. I rapped louder. Still no answer. I opened the door. Man peeing. Men: PLEASE LOCK THE DOOR! Or at least respond to a knock. For serious.
After that traumatic experience I was careful to lock the door myself. Seriously, it was the most disgusting facility I've ever used. Parts of the floor were caked with... something. The walls were covered in what looked to be puke that had been unsuccessfully cleaned up. I was afraid to touch the hand dryer thing, but there weren't any paper towels. And the toilet... I don't want to talk about the toilet.
Still hungry, I decided to be good and get some healthy Subway. But when I stepped to the counter, I noticed the meat... it looked tough. And brown. Not gray, though I suppose that's the color bad meat generally is. This wasn't. The chicken, though, was brown. So were the veggies. I opted out.
Hot dogs. Hot dogs are safe (excluding the horribleness that goes into them anyway), right? So not true. There were multiple problems with mine. 1) It cost 2.50. 2) It was cold. And I'd taken it right off the rolling thing. 3) It was spicy. There were peppers in it. There wasn't a sign... no warning at all.
I also got chips. With cheese. I asked the guy, before getting the cheese, if it was hot or cold. I didn't actually care, I just wanted to know. I prefer hot cheese for chips, but I figured I could deal with cold, too. He told me hot. It wasn't. It was cold. The chips... they were stale. The kind of stale that has probably been sitting out for a few weeks.
I realized, as I sat, munching on the stale chips and the hot-cold hot dog, that I probably should have bought something packaged (like the coke that was accompanying my less-than-satisfactory meal) after I saw the Subway food. Too late, though. The bad taste lingered after I'd eaten as much as I could stomach.
Three exits later, I got off and bought McDonalds. Mmm nice and thick an juicy. So much for healthy.